Der Prinzessin Tag

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https://soundcloud.com/davidleon-3/sets/contre-jour-soundtrack

It was the 24th of August. Usually the weather at this time was not so pleasant but today was different. I made a cup of German Himbeere tea and sat at my favorite spot by the balcony. I could feel the cup too hot on my hands and the cool breeze moving my hair back and forth beside my cheeks. I sat starring at the sky just like every night. 24th was special. I grabbed a paper & pen and started..

” I entered the room where everyone stood waiting for the day to start. The room was dull and monstrous. The walls were dark and grey, the ceiling was extremely high and the floor was rough and hideous. It felt like it was a deserted place. There was a lot of people. People who stood holding papers, people who were chatting and others who stood starring at nothing. I scanned everyone for a couple of minutes. It was like I was searching for myself. I suddenly felt out of place. I kept looking and searching and looking again.. and then I saw her.. She was there at the very corner, standing gracefully with a calm smile. I approached slowly wondering why would a princess like her be there. A significant aura surrounded her.. one could sense the sweet smell of lavender meters away.. she looked at me and smiled. I smiled instantly. She was a joy-radiating creature. By now, I was there beside her.. and then we talked. And this was it..

Days passed, then months, then years.. And I could still sense the sweet smell of friendship every time she is around. She is a princess by all means. A princess of trust, loyalty and gracefulness.. she is beautiful inside-out. I found in her my very own self that I once stood searching for on my first day in this place. She defined respect and poise.. Just the thought of her would make anyone in her kingdom smile.. She always stood by her people’s side and gave kindness probably was more than she took.. Such an adorable princess she was and shall always remain..

It was the 24th of August when she blessed this world. And that’s why it shall always be a special day. So today, let us all wear our fancy dresses and suits and share with her the joy of such a day. Dear Princess, today we crown you and celebrate the day you blessed our world..

Long live the Princess.. “

I stopped writing, folded the paper and sealed the letter. Then at the front, I signed it. I put it down and noticed my cup of tea at the table. It was too cold by now. I took a sip of it and smiled from my heart tearfully. Life has been too harsh on me lately if not always. And yet I truly smiled today for our princess.. No wonder she is a joy-radiating person!

—- This piece is dedicated to the one of a kind Nermin. Glückliche 21 Geburtstag zu Ihnen

In the memory of Her.

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Faster than the fastest shutter speed, it hit me!
suddenly I felt ‘gravity’..
all I felt was the earth holding me in place

My eyes were wide open, no tears.
The news struck my heart
again no single tear yet, even no fears

I felt I was on the verge of losing grip on reality
I looked at all those around me consoling each other
I couldn’t bare it, so I started walking to what seemed to me like eternity..

I hastened into my room and stood to take my breath, scared to fall..
shutting the door, I shut all the sounds I could possible hear
I went up to were the photo frames were hung up on the wall..

I stood so close, so near
They’ve been there since forever..
I strongly fought a falling tear..
I never imagined one day she’d leave, never!

I felt my heart beat, it signaled misery and sorrow
only one thought conquered my mind :
“with you gone, how will there ever be a better tomorrow?”

It wasn’t what I saw that stopped me
It was what I didn’t see..
She now reached to where I pray to be
She now reached heaven.. She now reached home

And so my mind ends my “thought to be poem”
I put down the photographs off the wall..
because once and for all..
I shed the last tear.

Harsh realizations II

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Quote: “You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay. But no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won’t be. But you’re still hoping. And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.”

I thought of how well I knew that feeling while I was sitting on bed trying to force myself to sleep just like every other night. Sometimes everything seems really harsh and I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know If I’m going to be strong enough to be on my own anymore. I am tired of having to 24 hrs withstand & remain confident. I am sick of living in a place where I have to miss my family for years, where it’s a common thing to see your friends get shot or killed or even imprisoned, where education and all aspects of life need to be changed. And no matter we try to alter things, they just don’t “radically” change.

I used to believe that ” Your mind is your garden, Your thoughts are your seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds. ” But I am tired of thinking.. I rest my head on the pillow and allow the liquid crystals to land. It’s been a while since I asked about myself. Since I did anything solely for my own sake. It’s been a long while since I smiled, purely smiled.

I sing myself a quiet lullaby to sleep. Let you all go and let the lonely in.

And as I close my eyes, I recall what I’ve read earlier that day:
“Sometimes you need to be alone. Sometimes you just don’t want to be comforted because you need the chance to take it in. All that has been, all the pain left behind. The best cure is time on your own to analyze time to pull yourself together again, and time to see that all you ever wanted is now nothing but a fading memory. Time to let it go and time to start again. Sometimes all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly. Just the way they should.”

Harsh realizations I

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I don’t think you want to read this. This is a “pouring out my mind” piece of writing I hesitated a lot to share. So don’t blame me on the spelling & sentence structure mistakes.. or the dramatic tone.. or the boring paragraphs.. or the random lines that come in suddenly.. Remember I told you. Otherwise, you may go on..

This is the third day in a row I find myself here is the balcony. The first time was an unsuccessful attempt to fly. But this time I decided to sit there, holding a cup of latte in a hand and one of my books in the other. My laptop & mobile beside me. And on my lap lay some papers, a pencil and the headphones.

Though the sounds of fireworks, fired bullets, helicopters, explosions, protesters cheers, armed forces and who knows what else were only meters away, I seemed numb to them. As if there was no sound. The only sounds I was aware of were the whispers of two guys from the supermarket down our building, talking about what every single person now talks about : Egypt & politics, and the sound of the cold wind rushing and hitting my face. It was cold. I hugged the hot cup in my hand. And something occurred to me for a second. I looked at myself.. I am holding my book but not actually reading. I have my papers and pencil but not writing.. I am just sitting there staring at nothing.. and surprisingly I found myself crying silently.

I didn’t bother wiping the tears away..

I was caught up in the corners of mind.. wondering. I started recalling a day when I was at a meeting at Diwan. Diwan bookstore is one of my favorite places of all time. There was never a time I got into a bookstore and came out hands-empty. I had this thing inside that made me promise myself to buy at least a single book whenever I visit a bookstore. I always kept that promise. Except that day.. After the meeting was done, I kept wandering aimlessly around the books; just reading titles and moving on. On the way home, I figured out that in that past year I haven’t read except one book. One book in a whole year. This might sound like “first world problems” but you have any idea what this means? How things have become? I wondered why I’ve lost that special thing inside me that always kept me addicted to reading no matter what.

I starred at the dark sky then lowered my gaze to the papers on my lap and thought : same goes for writing. Since when I was unable to express how I felt through writing.. ? I started flipping through those papers and all I found were pieces of unfinished, sad writings.  And figured out how miserable inside I turned to be. As much as ‘drama queen style’ as it might sound, I thought of the millions of times I acted blind, forced a smile, and faked being happy.

I held the pencil and thought of giving it a try. But all I came out with was :
بعد رحيلهم ..أدركت معنى الذبول ..
I haven’t seen my family since I traveled and started college. I’ve lost count of the days, months, years.. I couldn’t remember my brother’s birthday nor how my mommy’s hug felt like.. I’ve seen a revolution.. I’ve seen my friends die.. I’ve seen death myself but clearly it wasn’t the time yet.

I starred at the horizon. The sky wasn’t dark anymore. Sunrise was close.

I shifted to another corner of my mind; a joyful one. Despite the few beautiful memories I have, I couldn’t linger on that corner for so long. By that time, I had stopped crying.

How would a person who haven’t experienced the pain you are enduring literally feel what you are going through ? – A random thought passed my mind. Now the sun was out and the sky was pure blue. I recalled how I used to feel calm and fine looking at the pure sky. Now I wonder where has that feeling gone.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay that things don’t always go right. That this is how life works and how it will always work. That it’s not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day. But it will somehow get better.

It will somehow get better..
I held my head up and saw the sun with it’s rays, beautifully penetrating the clouds, signaling the start of a new day. A new day I am alive. A new day I should thank God for.

Egypt is a Beauty

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Poem :

It was more than ISO, lighting, flash and shutter speed
It was beyond the “to-be-captured” scenes
It was excitement…eagerness indeed..
To find beauty and what it truly means

He stood on Allah’s blessed land..
with passion in his heart and camera in his hand
He stood there , the master of photography..
And took the shot that spoke “Egypt Is A Beauty”

He called it “Promising a change”..

A change to erase misery and remove sadness..
A change to plant prosperity and spread happiness
I saw the photo and knew what he meant..
When he left us the photo, said “ Egypt is beauty”, and went

There was another photo for a simple man
and another one for a woman with a cow
I wondered how all of them can..
simply have that smiley face, I wondered how ?

He took a photo for a vast, green land
It was a photo that’s not rare to find
but it casted a sense of tranquility over the mind
Every time I look at it, I take a deep breath and sigh
It’s good to see Egypt’s beauty is that high

What he did made those simple people happy and glad
He saw peace in their eyes, so true and pure
Their eyes told him “that to everything bad,…
by God’s will, we’ll always find a cure !”

He took photos for them and made them feel superior
that social classes don’t matter; so don’t feel inferior
for it’s love and inner beauty of the soul..
that shall always dominate appearances and count more

When it was time for him to leave
The humble people gave him the key..
to their happiness…It’s “Family”
It’s the way they live..
and the love they give..
It’s the way they care..
to spare a moment together, they wouldn’t dare !

Despite the fighting, insecurity and screaming,
despite the price, the misery and the bleeding,
despite the worst feeling,,,
Like those people, we will smile and not frown
because Allah will never let the right ones down

Like those working people, we’ll stand TALL
unlike Berlin’s ‘once upon a time’ tough wall,
we shall never fall…
we will withstand this coming political wave
till not the country but the whole world feels safe…
Egyptians will forever remain the best and the most brave !

He captured one last shot, turned, and walked away
They taught the photography master to LOVE EGYPT
and in his heart, that lesson shall forever stay..
I really hope everything be always fine.
I hope all lives be safe, theirs, yours and mine
Patience people ! your right will return one day
We love our country, and that’s the least we can say !

“EGYPTIAN AND PROUD ” !!
so dear world, how does that sound?
Egypt is my home place..
I say it in the world’s face..
I was born Egyptian but it’s my choice
I hereby raise my voice
and declare “I AM EGYPTIAN  !! …  I AM PROUD !!”

…Roaa Ahmed…

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Theme :

” AM CALLING EVERYBODY to adjust his/her mind .. a Juxtaposition that would lead our country to a much better future. Having a Deep look at the picture: An adjustment is made to a closed mind that never pays attention. This Mind had never known anything about the rural poverty. Egypt has about 10.7 million poor people; isn’t this feel bad that mostly we don’t care ! The real theme behind “RESALA’11 Photographs” was to kill the indecisiveness and carelessness of the young youth who had been living in the AC ,no, having a moving muscle that would reflect positively on the EGYPTian REBUILDING. Come On! Pay attention … THESE PEOPLE ARE LIVING IN VERY HUMILIATING Places .. THEY NEED OUR HELP. Let’s Jump from our COMFORT PLACE. (:”

…Ahmed Hamdy…

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Photos and theme by : Ahmed Hamdy

Poem written by : Roaa Ahmed

Poem &  theme written  5 / 8 / 2011

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ادخلوا مصر إن شاء الله آمنين} سورة يوسف , صدق الله العظيم}

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The Hero

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She wanted someone to take it from there.

She wanted someone to make her feel care free. To pull her out of depression whenever she was into it. To rescue her for she was on the edge of drowning. To offer her a hand when she’s attempting to ‘fly away once and for all’.

She wanted someone who would be stubborn and humorously fight with her in order to make her better. “Funny” . She wanted someone funny. Someone who’s capable of making her laugh till her stomach hurts, till she cries. Someone who’d force her to try to do things she’s never done; to have breakfast, to cook, to roll on floor laughing. Someone who’d make her busy with what she’s good at rather than leaving her to her negative thoughts.

She wanted someone who would tell her ” I trust you ” on the silliest things. Who would make “pinkie promises” with her because he thinks making “deals” is for thieves. Someone who’ll try to create weird nicknames for her. Someone who’ll have dinner with her or even just a glass of juice or an ice-cream. Who’ll take her out for lunch and buy her chocolate. Someone who would be noble and crazy at the same time.

She wanted someone who’d tell her bedtime stories even if she’s far away. Someone who’ll turn into a sorcerer to fight her nightmares. Who’ll wait to turn of the lights and check on her later. Who’ll stay up all night when she gets sick.
Someone who’d take her “under his wings”.

She wanted someone who, while telling her “knowing that some people are there for you will make you feel better”, is there for her.
Someone who wouldn’t disappoint her. Who’d be up to her expectations. Who’d be there for her.. who wouldn’t leave her alone simply because she’s so sad. Someone who’ll constantly remind her her “am beside you” and “am here for you”.

Someone who’d linger on her writings and boost her spirits up. Someone who’d share her what she loves and what she hates. Who’ll share her his secrets. Someone who’d follow his intuitions. Who’d be the reason behind the smile she carries around when he’s not there.

She wanted someone who thinks she’s rare and special. Someone who believes she’s the strongest, fine, gorgeous girl that one day will blossom and when she does she’ll surprise everyone. Someone who’ll be there to take her hand at the stance when she falls.

she wanted someone who’s capable of remaining an exception to her theory of “fascination’s failure by time”.

It wasn’t prince charming who she wanted as you might think after reading all of this.

Simply,
It was the biological older brother she always wished to have.
But never had…

Farewell

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A tear falls down every time I remember..
the falling crystal rests on my heart..
I try to convince my mind not to surrender..
but you know nothing; it’s just so hard..

I leave the pen aside to wipe that tear away..
but it takes less than a second for another tear to land,
aches me, conquers my soul and seems to forever stay
I realize I’ve missed the way my family used to take me by my hand?
grab me and and hold me tight in their embrace
kiss my forehead and say ” come my dear to your comfort place “
wrap me and whisper ” don’t cry in vain “…
breath me in and softly say ” this will only increment the pain “
make me feel they’re by my side; feel not alone..
make me feel ‘home’ ..

why can’t they simply take me away so far
call out my name and pull me close
transfer light into me for they’re my shining star
make me forget how to talk; forget if it’s “is” or “was”
even forget who, why, when or where we are

I’ve always felt every falling tear..
feeling alone with no one literally near..
aching in silence for no one to hear..

years passed and passed.. year after year..

Is it that crystal clear?
for a second, it might seem..
nothing but a terribly bad dream..

But pulling me back to reality..
remains the sound of my silent scream..

So silence it is..

tonight I seal it with one last tear..
and hide inside all that I used to fear..
I leave where I once belonged, leaving all on my own..
the seraphic sense of a child no more shall be shown..
for I’ve already left home..
because everything has come crystal clear..

Farewell it is..